Learning to Be Honest with Eating Disorder

Making an exception to the art blog for a topic close to my heart.

To myself and to anyone reading this, I want to be honest that I have struggled with eating disorder for years, and I want to thank all the people around me for accommodating my dietary restrictions and for not judging me. I owe a big thank you to all of you, and to the events and circumstances that little by little taught me to be more honest with myself.

Last week, perhaps years overdue, I finally gathered enough courage to see a doctor specialized in eating disorder. I almost gave up scheduling an appointment and almost decided not to show up at the last minute, but I went because I was so tired – tired of instinctively seeing calorie numbers in every food in front of me and tired of hopelessly crying after each binge. Dr. G asked questions, listened, nodded, typed, and asked more questions. Those were questions that I had been too ashamed to ask myself. I could not see what Dr. G typed in her notes, but this here is my version of the notes.

eating disorder painting

Picture from reddit.

It started towards the end of freshman year in college. Moving to a new continent for college was a new experience, also a new experience in terms of food. I was very eager and curious to try new foods. Even the most mundane American foods seemed so novel to me. I had never had a peanut butter jelly sandwich or a bagel with cream cheese before, and was completely lost when people talk about lucky charm or fruit loops being their favorite cereal. Freshman 15 was real, and week by week I got more and more scared to stand on the scale.

Thinking about it now, I was at a perfectly fine and healthy weight, if not still slightly underweight, but it felt like a disaster to me coming from an Asian culture obsessed with 50kg/110lbs as the golden number for female weight. Growing up, weight loss hacks were a constant topic among female relatives and school classmates. Back when I was in middle school, my mom was using meal replacement shakes (think Soylent but half the calories) for weight loss under the influence of family friends, and I also followed suite for around a year in middle school. With the freshman 15, I turned to the meal replacement shakes again. I was ashamed to tell people that I was trying to lose weight, so as my excuse I always said that I needed extra protein as a vegetarian. With the shakes and gym classes and counting calories religiously on MyFitnessPal, soon in a couple months I had lost all the extra weight I gained.

Yet I still wanted to keep going, as of course thinner was better. This is where the slippery slope begins. It started out as just to lose the extra few pounds I gained, but quickly took control over me. There was an exhilarating “being on top of things” feeling about dieting, and my self-esteem started to be more linked to my weight. I did not have the most social confidence as a college freshman. As a non-native speaker, I was always self-conscious about using the wrong tense or wrong pronunciation, and felt excluded when people talked about Friends or Star Wars. It was quite a remarkable year of American culture crash course and trying to fit in, and I am very thankful to my friends for explaining all the “what’s this” and “what’s that”. With the lack of general social confidence, my ego turned to the numbers on the scale as an easier source for validation, thinking that people will like me more if I were thin.

Then, freshman year summer during my internship, I was still trying to eat restrictively and exercise, but sticking to the diet was significantly harder with all the free food around and social eating occasions. That summer I gained some weight back and tried even hard to lose it. The thoughts about food and calories occupied me more and more. I had a bike accident half way through the summer. Losing the ability to exercise made me even more frustrated, and the scars on my face made me more self-conscious about my appearance. I remember looking at my pictures that summer with the scars and telling myself I was fat and ugly. What also came with the weight loss and the malnutrition diet was more severe PMS (pre-menstrual symptoms) and heavier periods – bleeding through tampons after tampons and sobbing in bathroom stalls. As I only learned much later, hormones are formed from fat and cholesterol, and we all need healthy fat for hormonal balance.

One day during break in sophomore year, I passed out when standing up from a nap and fell right to the floor. My parents took me to the hospital and found out I was anemic, which in hindsight was no surprise given the heavy periods and the vegetarian diet. My digestive system was also taking a toll, with constant stomach pain and bloating. There were a couple months where I would always get bloated like 3-month pregnant after eating anything other than liquids, so I only ate apple sauce and soups. After being diagnosed with anemia, gastritis, and IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), I focused more on recovering from these symptoms and put the vegetarian diet to a pause. Eating less restrictively and taking medications, I was in better health and felt more energetic, also thanks to my roommate who cooked delicious homemade food and always made eating together such a joy.

However, the momentary recovery was short lived. Towards the summer, I had an emotional breakup that I felt very terrible about and was then in another somewhat abusive relationship. Academically, I was burnt out trying to push for two research projects at the same time. At this point, restrictive eating was no longer about trying to lose weight and became a coping mechanism in search of a sense of control. On top of restriction, I newly started binge eating chocolates and ice cream and baked goods. The temporary comfort in binge eating quickly became addictive, and hit the peak when I studied abroad that fall. Studying abroad was some of my best memories, but it also came with stress moving to a new place, managing traveling logistics, and dealing with a manipulative study abroad program director. I had a lot more alone time living in a single and surrounded by mostly strangers, which also meant more opportunities to freely binge in private. One afternoon after eating one slice of carrot cake and another slice and another slice, I felt hopeless and disgusted with myself, and tried to make myself puke in the restroom, but failed. Looking back, I was very lucky that I failed and never went down the purging path. Even without purging, I was still stuck in a cycle of binge eating and feeling guilty and heavily restricting the next day. I was constantly comparing my own body with other women around me, and seeing slim women in tight-fitting party dresses made me feel fat. Despite all the cake eating, I still hit my lowest weight ever, and for a long time I was secretly proud of the weight as an achievement, even though I always maintained to others that the weight loss was completely unintentional.

I started to suspect gluten might be causing my bloating, upon googling “common causes of bloating” and coming across articles describing wheat as a culprit. I experimented and went back and forth eliminating and reintroducing gluten to see if I would feel any better without. I did feel less bloated without eating bread, and hence I concluded a gluten-free diet was needed for my stomach. It was difficult to say no to gluten, as I loved baking. From time to time, I occasionally could not resist cookies and cakes, and what I thought would be just one tiny bite often turned into a binge, leaving me horribly bloated afterwards each time. I was so convinced that gluten was the problem that I never sought medical tests. Eventually I was more at peace with a strictly gluten-free diet, thanks for all my supportive friends and colleagues, and ate gluten-free for nearly three years, well, until last week. Dr. G pointed out that it is a very common pattern among eating disorder patients to get bloated due to a messed-up digestive system and go gluten-free as a more hidden form of restrictive eating. Half convinced, I headed to the bakery for some rolls, told myself it would all be fine, and surprisingly it was all fine. After all, it was mostly psychological. I got bloated because I believed I was going to. It is a powerful and beautiful feeling to realize that, and perhaps so it is for lots of other fears in life.

All this time, I was not aware of eating disorder, and always thought that the solution was to stick to my diet plans better with stronger willpower and stay thin. Anorexia felt far away as I thought I was not nearly thin enough to qualify. It was only till around a year ago that I stumbled upon eating disorder stories when desperately googling what to do after a binge. Since then, I have read more blogs and books to educate myself, and I am very grateful for all the resources available. I turned away from Facebook and Instagram, as those are often triggers for body comparisons. I started eating more and exercising more, and slowly came back to a healthier weight. I started out in a very fragile physical state – evening running a mile was unimaginable, but slowly starting from daily stretching and yoga, eventually in a year I was proud to run my first 10K. Thanks to friends that took me to yoga and running and volleyball and squash, I genuinely started to enjoy exercising.  Until recently, I still felt too ashamed to seek professional help, but a kind email from someone who noticed my low spirits reminded me that there is help out there.

The recovery phase comes with its own challenges. While rationally I know gaining the weight back was the healthy thing to do, emotionally I still struggle with seeing the numbers on the scale. Even when I avoid weighing myself, the deep sense of worthlessness still creeps back from the mirror and from the skirts that no longer fit. The restriction and binging thoughts never go away completely. All I can do is to acknowledge the thoughts and cope with them better. I am grateful to eating disorder for teaching me to be more honest with the negative emotions that hide behind it, whether it is stress, anxiety, loneliness, self-doubt, regret, or feeling homesick. Last week, just a few hours after my appointment with Dr. G, I was nervous about a final and turned to chocolates and peanut butter for relief, only to end up heading to the final ashamed and distressed. Just today, as I wrote down this piece on a long flight back home for the holidays, I was feeling guilty about eating whole portions of airplane meals. But, at the very least, even though sometimes that voice is still not strong enough to shut down the eating disorder voice, now I could hear another voice in my head telling me to do the next right thing.

Thank you for reading till the end. If you notice someone with warning signs of eating disorder (understanding the warning signs), be kind to them and listen to them (what to say and do). If you or a friend want to learn more about eating disorder or need someone to talk to about mental health in general, I am happy to listen and to share more. Lastly, you are beautiful, and life is beautiful.

MoMA/Tate Dataset

Found this MoMA dataset on Kaggle:


The artworks dataset contains 130,262 records, representing all of the works that have been accessioned into MoMA’s collection and cataloged in our database. It includes basic metadata for each work, including title, artist, date, medium, dimensions, and date acquired by the Museum.

Yet to try out more interesting analysis, but here’s a list of top 20 countries with the most number of artists featured in MoMA. A simple gender count shows that about 18% of all featured artists are female. 


Top 20 Countries with most artists featured in MoMA

Top 2 longest artwork titles:

  1. Lisa Oppenheim, 2012, photography. ‘A Handley Page Halifax of No. 4 Group flies over the suburbs of Caen, France, during a major daylight raid to assist the Normandy land battle. 467 aircraft took part in the attack, which was originally intended to have bombed German strongpoints north of, Caen, but the bombing area was eventually shifted nearer the city because of the proximity of Allied troops to the original targets. The resulting bombing devastated the northern suburbs, 1944/2012’
  2. Jimmie Durham, 1989, moose skull with antler, metal pipe, wood, and paint. ‘The Cathedral of St. John the Divine in Manhattan is the World’s Largest Gothic Cathedral. Except, of course, that it is a fake; first by the simple fact of being built in Manhattan, at the turn of the century. But the stone work is re-inforced with steel which is expanding with rust. Someday it will destroy the stone. The Cathedral is in Morningside Heights overlooking a panoramic view of Harlem which is separated by a high fence.’

To be updated! There’s also a dataset by the Tate Collection in UK. Should be interesting to compare the two. https://github.com/tategallery/collection



Takashi Murakami: Flatness in 3D

I never knew how flat a painting could possibly be, until I saw the collection of Takashi Murakami at Broad. So flat. As flat as an iPhone screen. As flat as a blade straight out of a knife sharpener. Super flat.


My arms and legs rot off and though my blood rushes forth, the tranquility of my heart shall be prized above all. (Red blood, black blood, blood that is not blood), 2007, acrylic and platinum leaf on canvas mounted on board, signage in platinum and gold leaf

^ Yes, that is the full title of the painting.

I wanted to touch it so bad. Of course I didn’t. Instead, I looked it from the left, from the right, from all kinds of side angles. After looking at it for 10 minutes, I still couldn’t convince myself to believe that it was painted, instead of digitally printed.

My friend told me that Takashi Murakami hires a group of young artists to execute his paintings and make them super flat. Poor young artists. I feel bad for them.

There’s something theatrical about seeing a giant flat 2D object in a 3D space. In comparison, when you see the picture of the painting above, the picture is flat, but you can’t tell if that implies the original painting is flat. There’s a difference between the 2D projection of a 3D object, and an actual 2D object in a 3D space. You need to be in a three-dimensional space to recognize if something is inherently two-dimensional or just a projection. We see 2D objects all the time, film, photography, manga, etc, but it is still such a novel experience to view Takashi Murakami’s superflatness in a 3D context.

In one of his interviews, Murakami mentioned that the ‘superflat’ movement ties back to flatness of post-war Japanese culture, but for me I see it more as a reminder that paintings are three-dimensional art. By taking away the bumps and the brush strokes, he draws attention to the lack of texture, and therefore reminds us the importance of texture as an artistic expression.

Randomness vs Structure: John Cage vs Prospect Theory

“Our intention is to affirm this life, not to bring order out of chaos, nor to suggest improvements in creation, but simply to wake up to the very life we’re living, which is so excellent once one gets one’s mind and desires out of its way and lets it act of it’s own accord.” – John Cage

Why is randomness beautiful? Many modern artists introduce randomness to their creative process. Jackson Pollock’s drip paintings are probably the most famous example. John Cage is another interesting one – he is best known for his experimental music composition, but his use of randomness in art is also very intriguing.

When I first watched his performance of the silent music piece 4’33” on YouTube, I thought it was experimental in the sense that it separated the visual and audio components of music performance. But maybe I missed his point. The quote above made me realize that the focus of 4’33” is on the sounds in the ambience environment. Listening to everyday noises in the surroundings is a way to “wake up to the very life we’re living”. The same spirit is in Aoki Emiko (青木 恵美子)’s mirror displays, where the reflection of the surroundings is part of her artwork. John Cage embraces chaos and randomness because that is the truth in the life that we are living.

If the idea of silent music in 4’33” seems too experimental, you might like John Cage’s Music of Changes better. Music of Changes is an indeterminate piano solo composed by randomized decision rules on sounds, durations, and tempo according to I-Ching, a classical Chinese text. I-Ching means “Book of Changes” in Chinese, hence the name Music of Changes. I’m not sure how much of the music pattern is actually from I-Ching, and I speculate he was more using the eight trigrams in I-Ching as a system of exotic symbols to help him think outside the box. The picture below, Fontana Mix, is an example of John Cage’s “graphical score”.

(Side note: Somewhat curiously, Herman Hesse was also obsessed with I-Ching in The Glass Bead Game, but my impression is that he associated I-Ching more with structure rather than randomness, since he compared I-Ching to Bach’s music.)

graphic scores john cage

John Cage, Fontana Mix, 1958

john cage

John Cage, Strings 1-20, 1980


To answer the question “why is randomness beautiful?“, we need to ask ourselves “what is beauty?” first. To me, beauty is perhaps best described as a feeling of pleasure. One psychological explanation of beauty is that beauty originates in our childhood desire for security. Here’s one example from Rothko’s essay: the child’s notion of security is connected to the form of his mother, and therefore the curves and tactile planes in the human body are considered beautiful. Thinking along this line, it’s strange that randomness would be pleasing to the eye, since it’s the opposite of security.

Our instinctive desire for security is confirmed experimentally by Kahneman and Tversky’s Prospect Theory in behavioral economics. Prospect Theory is different from expected utility theory in that the utilities of outcomes are not only weighted by their probabilities. The Certainty Effect in Prospect Theory states that people overweight outcomes that are considered certain in decision making, relative to outcomes which are merely probable.

If we favor certainty, why do we consider randomness beautiful? This seems contradictory, but in fact, our cognitive bias towards certainty helps with our artistic appreciation of randomness: our cognitive system tends to over-interpret randomly composed pictures and add imaginary structures. That’s why when we see, for example, the above painting Strings 1-20, the first thing that crosses our mind is not “this is a random sample drawn from a probability distribution”. Instead, we relate the curves and forms to familiar images in our memory. (This top-down visual perception mechanism is explained much better in detail in Kandel’s book.)

The dynamic sense of movement may be another reason why randomness is beautiful. I can’t speak for other people, but at least personally when I look at a structured classical painting, I tend to look from left to right and from top to bottom. However, when I look at John Cage or Jackson Pollock, something very quickly catches the focus of my eyes, and my sight drifts around according to the random lines and curves. The unstable trajectory of eye movement might explain why randomness looks more dynamic.

To end this post, I want to show once again John Cage’s quote. Isn’t it nice to think that the purpose of life is to affirm this very life?

“Our intention is to affirm this life, not to bring order out of chaos, nor to suggest improvements in creation, but simply to wake up to the very life we’re living, which is so excellent once one gets one’s mind and desires out of its way and lets it act of it’s own accord.” – John Cage



Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky, “Prospect Theory: An Analysis of Decision under Risk

Mark Rothko, The Artist’s Reality: Philosophies of Art

Eric Kandel, Reductionism in Art and Brain Science

Matilde Marcolli, “Structures of Randomness

Favorite Non-fiction of the Year: “Reductionism in Art and Brain Science”

This book is by Eric Kandel, a Nobel Prize winner in Physiology or Medicine. I haven’t finished reading the book yet, but it’s already my favorite non-fiction of the year. To be more precise, it was published in 2016, so I should say favorite non-fiction that I read this year.

Things that I learned from the book:

  1. There are two parallel visual pathways in the brain, one that deals with what an image is about and one that deals with where it is located in the world. The what pathway is the only one that leads to hippocampus, which deals with the explicit memory of people, places, and objects. The where pathway is concerned with motion, depth, and spatial information. The pathways can exchange information, but they are distinct and separated. Art exploits the fact that seemingly inseparable information is actually processed in separate pathways.
  2. Occipital cortex responds to both sight and the sense of touch. The texture of an object activates cells in the medial occipital cortex regardless of whether the object is perceived by the eye or by the hand.  (This explains how I ‘feel’ the textures of Raku tea bowls or Franz Kline’s paintings.)
  3. Aplysia (large sea snail) has about 20,000 neurons. Its neural circuit is wired in a fixed way, but learning changes the strength of the connections among neurons.
  4. Each nerve cell in the primary visual cortex responds to simple lines and edges with a specific orientation, and that’w how we assemble contours and geometric shapes.
  5. Mating and fighting are mediated by the same population of neurons, and the difference is only on the intensity of the stimulus.
  6. The prefrontal cortex responds to categorized figurative images, whereas the superior parietal cortex is activated by any visual image, meaningful or not.

Some random art facts:

  1. Kandinsky discovered his abstract painting style from listening to Schoenberg’s Second String Quartet and Three Piano Pieces Op 11.
  2. Legend has it that upon viewing a sunset painted by Turner, a young women remarked, “I never saw a sunset like that, Mr. Turner,” to which Turner replied, “Don’t you wish you could, madam?”
  3. Klimt shows women’s teeth in his paintings, such as in Judith and Woman I.



Kerry James Marshall: Music Scores and Color Worksheets


There are two different reasons that I like a painting: the overall visual effect appeals to me emotionally, or the painting has interesting ideas and plastic elements. For example, I like Picasso and Kandinsky for both reasons, the Barbizon school for the first reason, and Dali and Magritte for the second reason. Usually it’s a mix.

However, Kerry James Marshall is a weird case. I strongly dislike how his paintings look – there’s an instinctive desire to close my eyes or walk away – yet I still find them interesting enough that I stare at them for hours.

When walking around the Kerry James Marshall exhibition at MOCA for a first round of coarse look, I was not particularly attracted to any painting. As I was about to leave in disappointment, a staff member was leading a group discussion on Past Times. Two of the little girls in the group were incredibly observant, and pointed out many elements that slipped my attention. I realized that I could still enjoy the individual building blocks of his paintings without finding it pleasant as a whole.

In Past Times, the golf player and the croquet player freeze in motion, but the music notes continue flowing out of the radio. The motion is stopped at one fixed instance of time, whereas the music notes show the passage of the time.


Past Times, by Kerry James Marshall, 1997

So I went around the gallery again carefully to search for other interesting ideas, and this time Kerry James Marshall did not disappoint. This untitled portrait contains a rich set of ideas, and it is from a series of portraits of black artists with palettes and color worksheets. (At first I thought it was a series of self-portraits but later found out Kerry James Marshall is a male artist.)

  1. The artist is probably facing a mirror, based on the sitting posture. It’s unclear whether she is coloring the numbered worksheet at the back, or whether she is painting this painting itself.
  2. The painting is recursive, and if you look at the color worksheet carefully, the gray part left of her red hair also has the shape of her hair, so it’s a third layer of recursion.
  3. The artist is almost entirely in black, but her blouse is very colorful, and so is the image of her in the color worksheet. Metaphorically, black artists are unnoticed by the society and deserve more attention.
  4. The palette is unproportionally huge. Perhaps this goes along the same line that black artists are underrepresented and hidden behind their work.
  5. It’s possible to complete the color worksheet based on the numbers and the existing colors. Even though no one would actually complete it, it’s entertaining to leave a room for such imagination.
  6. It suggests a different way to perceive colors. Usually, we look at the overall color scheme as a whole when the colors are all visually present. In this color worksheet, we look at individual parts and ask what color the number corresponds to.

Untitled, by Kerry James Marshal, 2009

Another interesting one is Black Painting (2003), which depicts the murder scene of African American activist Fred Hampton in different shades of black. For more information about Black Painting:


Shoji Ueda on the Sand Dunes


It never crossed my mind that photography could be such a good medium for surrealism, but here’s Shoji Ueda (植田正治).


Hat, 1980

At first, I walked pass “My Wife on the Dunes” painted on the exterior wall of a building in low resolution, and thought the human figures were photoshopped onto the landscape. The composition was interesting so I took a picture of the wall. A few days later when I visited the National Museum of Modern Art in Tokyo, there was a series of prints by Shoji Ueda on display, and I realized “oh, that’s what it was”.

That being said, it’s a fair question to ask: If it’s the same image, does it really matter whether the human figures were real or photoshopped? I think it does. When we see an image, the sense of vision elicits emotions and thoughts. But it’s not just the sense of vision, we also take into account the story behind the image. The viewer’s response is different depending on the story, so I’d say the story is part of the artistic expression in this sense.


My Wife on the Dunes, 1950

The sand dunes near his home are his stage to pose family members and friends. For me, the most fascinating aspect of Shoji Ueda’s works is the creative use of space. I can’t put it into words so I’ll quote Mark Rothko from his essay “Space”:

If one understands, or if one has the sensibility to live in, the particular kind of space to which a painting is committed, then he has obtained the most comprehensive statement of the artist’s attitude toward reality. Space, therefore, is the chief plastic manifestation of the artist’s conception of reality.

This explains why different art lovers go to different artists to satisfy themselves. Some prefer Raphael, some castigate them. The same is true of Giotto and Titian and the thousands of other masters who were so plentifully produced in those great times. In the case of none of these masters are the opponents unaware of their great qualities. These castigations are simply the result of differences of spatial faith.

Peace of Mind in Horizontal Lines

Maybe visiting art museums is like some sort of religious devotion. This thought occurred to me yesterday when I was alone in a roomful of Yamazaki Hiroshi (山崎 博) photographs.

Yamazaki Hiroshi

Yamazaki Hiroshi’s “Horizon” series

Yamazaki Hiroshi (1946 – ) specializes in shooting sunlight on the sea. His individual photographs didn’t mean much to me on their own, but looking at hundreds of them together in a row was a different immersive experience. For a moment I forgot about time and forgot about lunch plans with my friend, as if nothing else existed other than the sea and the sun.

I had a strong déjà vu feeling when I stepped into the gallery, and it took me a while to realize that the déjà vu must have come from Mark Rothko.

rothko room in moca

Mark Rothko room in MOCA

Mark Rothko’s paintings are meant to be seen up close, so close that the painting dominates the entire field of vision. When I stand in front of a Rothko painting, a voice inside the painting is calling me, and I have a strong impulse to walk into one of the color blocks. Strangely, it’s always very clear to me which of the two or three color blocks I want to walk into, without any ambiguity.

Sometimes I feel like I’m living between a mundane world and a “spiritual” world, even though I’m agnostic and not religious. Art is one of the keys to the “spiritual” world, and so are music and literature and other things. In that sense, visiting art museum is a way to constantly remind myself of the “spiritual” world, so it’s like going to church.

For this reason, I’m always fascinated by the ideas behind the Rothko Chapel and Tadao Ando’s Church of Light, despite not having been to either place in person. The Rothko chapel in Houston is “the world’s first broadly ecumenical center, a holy place open to all religions and belonging to none”, with fourteen Rothko paintings inside. The Church of Light near Osaka is a Protestant church, but I love it as art.

church of light

Church of Light by Tadao Ando

Last week a professor recommended Rothko’s essay collection “The Artist’s Reality: Philosophies of Art” to me. Maybe I’ll update this post after reading the book.


Goblin Market

Something in my dream last night reminded me of Christina Rossetti’s poem Goblin Market again, so I want to write down this story.

I was in Brussels with a friend who I had talked to for two years but never met in person. As we were walking past a Carrefour, we discovered that we both enjoy grocery shopping. She said, “it’s in the nature of our hunter-gatherer ancestors.” That was a good justification. We didn’t have anything planned for the next morning yet, so naturally we decided to visit Marché du Midi, one of the biggest outdoor markets in Europe.

While browsing through pictures of fruit stands at Marché du Midi, the poem Goblin Market got stuck in my head. The poem is metaphorically about two sisters’ sexual adventure, and it starts like this:

Morning and evening
Maids heard the goblins cry:
“Come buy our orchard fruits,
Come buy, come buy:
Apples and quinces,
Lemons and oranges,
Plump unpeck’d cherries,
Melons and raspberries,
Bloom-down-cheek’d peaches,
Swart-headed mulberries,
Wild free-born cranberries,
Crab-apples, dewberries,
Pine-apples, blackberries,
Apricots, strawberries;—
All ripe together
In summer weather,—

My friend really liked the beginning, so we read through the poem and wanted to learn about every type of fruit mentioned in Goblin Market. There are some quite obscure berries, like dewberries, barberries, and gooseberries. There are so many berries in the poem perhaps because X-berries always rhymes with Y-berries. It took us a while to Google through the entire list. Now that we had spent an hour or two looking at pictures of exotic fruits, we challenged ourselves to find as many of them as possible at Marché du Midi.

The next morning, we got up at 7am and went into the 20°F weather for Marché du Midi. The market was huge. I don’t remember finding any exotic berries in the poem, but it was my first time eating a khaki fruit.

Since then, we have continued our quest for markets and fruits, but we haven’t been very successful. A month later we went to Compi de Flori together in Rome, but only found artichokes, fungi, and creative pasta shapes. I’ve since discovered Monmouth Coffee at Borough Market, baguettes and cheeses at Marché Bastille, and fried sardines at Ballarò Street Market, but until this day I still haven’t seen any gooseberries.


Compi de Flori, Rome


Marché Bastille, Paris


I have too many lemons, and I’m tired of juicing them, so I use them as bicycle wheels.

lemon bicycle

This is based on Alemão‘s bicycle painting. Last summer in Santa Barbara, I happened to notice this painting inside a restaurant when I was walking down the main street, and later went back to the restaurant for dinner just to look at it.

Two things that I like about Alemão’s bicycle art: 1. The bicycle stays stable without any sign of motion. 2. There’s no human figure, as if the will power is on the bicycle.

adocando a vida - 150x120

Sweet Life (Adoçando a Vida), by Anderson Lemes

Backstory: In the past two days I juiced 9 lemons and cracked 15 eggs for lemon tart and lemon poppy seed cake.


Meyer Lemon Tart according to New York Times’s recipe